My certificate of live birth

So, maybe some of you have heard that I am getting married. This whole process requires that I have to have a certified birth certificate. It's very easy to acquire. It is, however, nothing more than a sheet of paper claiming that it is my "certificate of live birth."

This got me to thinking of President Obama (yes, the last president officially elected, G.W. Bush doesn't count). His big issue was bureaucracy that did not immediately allow for full disclosure.

After trying to get my birth certificate, here is all I can say. All the idiot tea party members who have stood firm that our President is not American are wrong. Every, every (have I said every?) critique they raise reflects an ignorance of the way our state governments run... yes tea party fanatics, the states run these things. See the 10th Amendment, which you all cite so much, but of which you do not know the ramifications.

To begin. I ordered my birth certificate for the wedding. I cannot, cannot get my birth certificate. I can get a copy that certifies live birth. I called at least a half-dozen state organizations to get my birth certificate, only to create a little ballyhoo (NJ law says I am good with a certified certificate of live birth; but that doesn't work for the President, so it doesn't fly with me). Basically they directed me to a number of state offices to which I would have to write letters just to get my official birth certificate. Ironically, much of the state employees I spoke with seemed floored that I would want my original birth certificate. I kept saying, "I need it." They asked, "What is wrong with the certificate (of live birth)?"

Here's what it boils down to. I got a copy of my birth certificate. My parents were signed onto it, as was the attending MD. It's a copy, but hey, I think it works. We'll see.

Ok? Following me so far? I cannot get my birth certificate in Wisconsin, unless I write a few letters to legislators who are too busy to respond to my sad applications (I learned this in both Illinois and Arizona). The best I can get without donating money and pulling strings is a certificate of live birth. I checked with NJ and they said, "That's all we need." I thought it would be a problem, but they said, "That's all we need." Yes I know that is repetitive. That was intentional.

This is not the kicker. The tea party freaks out at the official mark of the state of Hawaii with President Obama. They are so mad that it took nearly two weeks for the birth certificate to be certified some time after his birth. My birth certificate has been officially certified on 09.09.1977 (and yes, I realize I'm giving away my age). This is over two weeks from the date of my birth. But that is bureaucracy.

So end of story, I was born in Kenya. It took three decades to set it up so I could run for president, and I totally have planned, since my birth, to subvert the US Constitution. I am not a US citizen. I've only faked it, and you birthers can start the process of deporting me. To quote your prophet G.W. Bush, "Bring it on."

Love,

Luke Krueger